CNY 2011

i had never been felt this stupid before
neglected, rejected, humiliated all come rushing over and gushing over me
my own relatives treat me no more like a vermin
what wrong had i ever do to them that i get to be treated like this?
if u simply dun like me or is angry wid me its fine that u should have told me so.
NOBODY in this world is perfect.
U people jux keep silence and expected me to know my own faults?
sorry im very stupid and probably insensitive- point it out to me!!!
i hate them as humans, but had no choice to respect them. we may not had blood ties, but u people is still my elders.
hope that someday u will realised how importance families are- probably not wid us..since u hated us so so..!
AND STOP DESTROYING OTHERS CNY! dun make people feel inferior from the insides...as u might not want others to do the same 2 u...

my feelings..

have u ever feel like being abandoned, rejected and discriminated. Well to tell the truth i had never felt that until i left my home. its kinda hurts though. so deep i dun even know how to describe. all i know now is that i wanna run away so far far away from here. i felt the urge of crying. but i know all these will never works dont they, i guess no matter how i still needs to face it somehow. even if i were to run today, cant guarantee i wont feel these again in the future. lets hope for a better tomorrow.

besides feeling abandoned, rejected and discriminated, i kinda feel lonely. i might have my friends around me, but then, i still feel a distant from civilisation. probably i always live in my own fantasized world, that i came up with this imagination. but truly can loneliness be imagined? well i dunno and i dun even intend to find out.

Sharing

Ever since i left my own hse, departs from my families , my parent and siblings i came to an utmost feeling of sharing. Its feels kinda cool at the beginning, but to my horror sometimes when u wanna share wif a person the other person might not wanna share wif u. I m talking in terms of hse chores such as sweeping the floor, mop the floor, keep the room cleans etc. It was a heartbreaking moments to understand that there are no one, not one of ur friends that are willing to share the workloads wif u. U are on ur on.. Sad, heartbreaking but its true. The room belongs to person not only me but u too. So im asking one simple question> hw much do u had to foot the extra for sparing from these hse chores.< its sad to know a friends like these. Moreover, i was only waiting for ur response when im saying im cleaning the room. It hurts, it burns for i tot u will do ur part, coz u r the one who suggested sharing rooms. It appears that i was wrong. I m grateful that u once again had broken the chain of trust.
My housemate, its seems that there's a misunderstanding going on somewhere. As soon as i leave my room all door closes what is this? im a disease that when u come in contact with me u will die? u giv me the impression that im a spreading disease. We live as housemate, u dun like me fine, i dun blame u. But for what u did, u are telling the world how low class u are. I shouldnt bother all these matter anymore. Cox i had made up my mind that once i had the golden opportunity i will leave these godforsaking house for good.
This house given me much memories, good and bad. As i can recall, it appears that the house had given me more bad memories den the good ones. The bads memories i shouldnt blame the house, i shall blame the tenants. Sick, tired, heartbreaking, sore and well no words could describe wat im actually going to now.
So in conclusion i miss my home, my family, my sister, i guess i shuldnt had mention the other one which is also another suckup person. i jux hope dat someday i will have a mansion, with no neighbours and no other sickening person living wif me. MAY MY DREAM COMES TRUE

Independence

independence ... is this the most attracting words in life?
i find this intriguing words when i m studying in universities
everything u had to do on ur own...
any problems consult urself...
therefore it flashed back in my mind that this word should come together wif another word called selfish
hahahas

Emo

the day i was enrolling to utar i was full of enthusiatism..
but now im filled with sorrow and worries...
emo almost everyday
personal life and study life respectively is affecting my emotion...
i jux want this all to end...
but when will all this end??

ptptn...

i been applying my ptptn since 10th june and its been like 2 months oredi
the news that i receive had yet been shocking but true..
the first piece of news that i had come about is that i failed to get the loan from ptptn( all thks to my beloved utar...asking us to apply for so many times) but was actually one of my application had been cancel...due to lacking of time the put failed instead of cancel..
next i thought that i still had a chance to get the loan from ptptn...
not sure whether is their systems got problem or the problem is mine...i was enrol to utar since 31st may 2010
damn thats means i only get two years loans where my course concerns i graduate on the third year...haiz...im not that smart until i can enter utar when actually im still studying for my stpm...
waiseh talking bout stpm makes me more mad...since when did i took up my stpm exam on the year of 2007...heyhey im stil form five ok and i nearly failed my spm...
ptptn is actually suppose to lift up burdens of those with financial problems but actually its been giving a hard time of two months and a headache of three days...
man what else can i say...im all out of words of my ptptn...GAVE UP TOTALLY...!

Unexpected( V)

did sumthg very unexpected...
no regrets but hunger for more...
but my instinct tells me i shuld stop here
so which shuld i follow?
DESIRE vs INSTINCT...
hmm tough choice...but i think i shuld stick to INSTINCT
well come wat may...