my feelings..

have u ever feel like being abandoned, rejected and discriminated. Well to tell the truth i had never felt that until i left my home. its kinda hurts though. so deep i dun even know how to describe. all i know now is that i wanna run away so far far away from here. i felt the urge of crying. but i know all these will never works dont they, i guess no matter how i still needs to face it somehow. even if i were to run today, cant guarantee i wont feel these again in the future. lets hope for a better tomorrow.

besides feeling abandoned, rejected and discriminated, i kinda feel lonely. i might have my friends around me, but then, i still feel a distant from civilisation. probably i always live in my own fantasized world, that i came up with this imagination. but truly can loneliness be imagined? well i dunno and i dun even intend to find out.

Sharing

Ever since i left my own hse, departs from my families , my parent and siblings i came to an utmost feeling of sharing. Its feels kinda cool at the beginning, but to my horror sometimes when u wanna share wif a person the other person might not wanna share wif u. I m talking in terms of hse chores such as sweeping the floor, mop the floor, keep the room cleans etc. It was a heartbreaking moments to understand that there are no one, not one of ur friends that are willing to share the workloads wif u. U are on ur on.. Sad, heartbreaking but its true. The room belongs to person not only me but u too. So im asking one simple question> hw much do u had to foot the extra for sparing from these hse chores.< its sad to know a friends like these. Moreover, i was only waiting for ur response when im saying im cleaning the room. It hurts, it burns for i tot u will do ur part, coz u r the one who suggested sharing rooms. It appears that i was wrong. I m grateful that u once again had broken the chain of trust.
My housemate, its seems that there's a misunderstanding going on somewhere. As soon as i leave my room all door closes what is this? im a disease that when u come in contact with me u will die? u giv me the impression that im a spreading disease. We live as housemate, u dun like me fine, i dun blame u. But for what u did, u are telling the world how low class u are. I shouldnt bother all these matter anymore. Cox i had made up my mind that once i had the golden opportunity i will leave these godforsaking house for good.
This house given me much memories, good and bad. As i can recall, it appears that the house had given me more bad memories den the good ones. The bads memories i shouldnt blame the house, i shall blame the tenants. Sick, tired, heartbreaking, sore and well no words could describe wat im actually going to now.
So in conclusion i miss my home, my family, my sister, i guess i shuldnt had mention the other one which is also another suckup person. i jux hope dat someday i will have a mansion, with no neighbours and no other sickening person living wif me. MAY MY DREAM COMES TRUE

Independence

independence ... is this the most attracting words in life?
i find this intriguing words when i m studying in universities
everything u had to do on ur own...
any problems consult urself...
therefore it flashed back in my mind that this word should come together wif another word called selfish
hahahas

Emo

the day i was enrolling to utar i was full of enthusiatism..
but now im filled with sorrow and worries...
emo almost everyday
personal life and study life respectively is affecting my emotion...
i jux want this all to end...
but when will all this end??

ptptn...

i been applying my ptptn since 10th june and its been like 2 months oredi
the news that i receive had yet been shocking but true..
the first piece of news that i had come about is that i failed to get the loan from ptptn( all thks to my beloved utar...asking us to apply for so many times) but was actually one of my application had been cancel...due to lacking of time the put failed instead of cancel..
next i thought that i still had a chance to get the loan from ptptn...
not sure whether is their systems got problem or the problem is mine...i was enrol to utar since 31st may 2010
damn thats means i only get two years loans where my course concerns i graduate on the third year...haiz...im not that smart until i can enter utar when actually im still studying for my stpm...
waiseh talking bout stpm makes me more mad...since when did i took up my stpm exam on the year of 2007...heyhey im stil form five ok and i nearly failed my spm...
ptptn is actually suppose to lift up burdens of those with financial problems but actually its been giving a hard time of two months and a headache of three days...
man what else can i say...im all out of words of my ptptn...GAVE UP TOTALLY...!

Unexpected( V)

did sumthg very unexpected...
no regrets but hunger for more...
but my instinct tells me i shuld stop here
so which shuld i follow?
DESIRE vs INSTINCT...
hmm tough choice...but i think i shuld stick to INSTINCT
well come wat may...

blog blog...

Sad...
nothing else can really define how I'm feeling now......
Incidents over incident that had happen around us...
paused us for a moment to recap our thinking box and make decision..
some decisions made with no sense of guilt and regrets..
some in later part or rather in later point of life when we flash back, we'll be filled of sorrows and regrets...
Had i made the right decision? What will had happen if i take the other alternatives?
Well apparently what done's had already over. But the curiosity and the feeling of guiltiness is slowly but yet to shallow us whole.
What can be done? What do we need to do? Should continue with the life and pretend as if nothing had happen? How long can the effects of these last?
Lastly, why life is full of questions?

UNI-lives

Its been a long time since my last entry in this blog...
Well how times flies...the last times im writing in this blog was wen im waiting for my stpm and look at me now...im in UNI....hw unexpected...
But the unexpected doesnt just stop there....there's more...
In my current uni(utar) i was offer a course dat not in the wildest mind of mind could imagine that ill be taking...Business Administration major in BANKING AND FINANCE...hmm despite of what im getting for stpm Maths T i reli dunno exactly how i could be given this opportunities to study such an important yet difficult course...
On top of that, i ACTUALLY ACCEPTED this course...with the imagination that i can deal with it(hopefully reality)...
Well enough with the unexpected lets me review some of my first few weeks in uni...it was tough, everything had depends on myself, do myself...and for someone (like me) this is a drastic change in life...i mean man hw can i actually survive...and so i was right within the first week itself i dunno whether to consider myself lucky or unlucky....i was sharing a room with a person that i known for a few years since my form four...
BUT the best had yet to arrive...alone in this obscure world with nobody that can really be trusted, everything seems so strange and anew...
PLUS in the first week itself many of my things got spoil eg my handphone (whom i just bought in less than two weeks)
OKOK enough dun wanna keep bragging bout my lives...lets move on to studies...
like i said im taking an unexpected course...the subjects itself, are most of them new to me..
I mean i never knows whats account and economics until i take the subject...
first few weeks was ok...but i collapse on the three week...where i almost fell ill...
when i recover...i realized my old habit(sleeping,laziness, and slacking in studies) all coming back to me, all at once...
NOW im on the fifth week...everything becomes blur to me...esp accounting...man im just so lazy to study anymore...HOPEFULLY MY ULTIMATE MISSION/TARGET>to get overseas (travel all around the world) < can get my feet back up agn...
IN SOCIAL WISE i do actually meets some new friends but i dun really know hw to social well esp the ppl here most communicate using MANDARIN. How on the world can i speak mandarin, muz be a miracle for me to even understand a sentence...hahaha...but im good at pretending...so i just pretend to listen...
GUESS my worst nightmares are all coming to me at once...EXAMs AND ASSIGNMENTs...man this is my weakpoint...
well i guess i really nid to brush up my skills in order to graduate...
seriously, every1 said uni-life is interesting F them...is so FKing boring here...

breaking point

after the cny incident
im am encountering
yet another series of life
which makes me feels toring apart
its my results day
on the 25 of feb
i wasnt ready
to take my results
why is it so fast tis year
im ady sadden and disappoint
nw im nervous and scared
till the shit is out of me
i think i want 2 break down...

shatter heart on CNY

hate tis year CnY very much
no mood 2 celebrate aso
coz of someone
someone who once very dear 2 me
she just cant stop talking and cursing
on the eve of new year
feels like glueing her mouth
then we had 2 rush down 2 kl
and on the whole journey
she was cursing and scolding upside down
is tis an symptom of alzeimer?
guess so
she took all my mom and mine jewelry she once gave 2 us
make me so sad and disappointed in her
i dun feel like talking 2 her agn
but yet agn...she is my grandma
what 2 do? gt 2 put up wif her crap
haizzzzzzzzz

first day at work

it was 5 of feb 2009
when i strt my first job
first time of working
as a promoter to a company called
G2
promoting sensodyne
............
it was still fresh in my mind
i was so clumsy
i forget 2 bring my id pass
hahaha
gtg bck home search high and low for it
............
then my kl boss cum
gt complain
and bla bla
and the interesting part is the dinner...
my drink was belanja by boss
but sad part is i enter wrong toilet
termasuk ladies toilet
hahaha

worst w33k!!

it's been a long time...since my last post
alotz of things had happen around lately...
sum i dun even where 2 begin...
i meet new friends only long enough to know that they not
really a frenz...
~you get wat i mean~
it's kinda boring too 2 be at my hse for three months long
i had apply for job...no reply!
wat a day!!
i hope evrything will get over soon...
i had this thinking in my mind that ppl are actually
avoiding me..maybe im too sensitive...
one cant never be too cautious i guess
maybe im thinking too much
im kinda in confusing rite nw...
wat shuld i do next?
search for courses offer in university?
~harlo, i dunno where 2 begin~
there are thousand of courses
(which do i noe is the rite one for me?)